The Book of Farkus

In the beginning, there was scut…

by The Kiwi

Though this is the first official online home of the Church of the Apocalyptic Kiwi, the church has been in existence for many years, the product of two visionary and cloudy minds sharing an apartment and a funding problem.

Before the current incarnation of the Church of the Apocalyptic Kiwi, clergy members found themselves posting in other corners of the internet wilderness under various aliases and avatars.

One such avatar was scutfarkas (a typo that has been corrected for perpetuity), whose profile contained only a cryptic quote from William Butler Yeats’ classic poem “The Second Coming”:

The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

The Book of Farkus is part of an early base of theories and ideas that are being expanded into the Church, including early hints at the Red Dawn Generation and wry looks at the politics and other news of the day, couched in a cynical humor.

While some of Farkus’s hardest hitting work was done in comments, his own posts often generated their own, odd heat.

Gathered here, are the ten posts that represent the whole of the Book of Farkus, reprinted with the author’s permission.

CHAPTER I:

A blonde, a black guy and a Mexican walk into the Democratic primary…

CHAPTER II:

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss

CHAPTER III:

I’ll have a Supersize McBlameless to go please

CHAPTER IV:

If Jeremy spoke in class today and no one heard him, did he make a sound?

CHAPTER V:

Grandpa Simpson was right

CHAPTER VI:

Damned if we do, damned if we don’t

CHAPTER VII:

Dick and the Horrible, Disgusting Growth

CHAPTER VIII:

Terrorist Request Live

CHAPTER IX:

What a difference six years makes

CHAPTER X:

Hate is a motive, not a crime

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