“… like this!”

by lestro

(photo via NY Times)

Nancy Pelosi vows that with her new majority in the House, she will crush the balls of the remaining Republicans with her bare fists.

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Because it would be sexist to not ask…

by lestro

Treat her like any other candidate, right?

Ever since Clinton was asked on that MTV thing back in 1992, every candidate has had to answer the question “boxers or briefs?” and John Kerry recently joked that McCain’s answer was “Depends…”

So in the spirit of not being sexist, when do we get an answer from Sarah Palin about her undergarment preference? Thong or boy shorts? Granny Panties or T-back? Cotton or commando?

Inquiring minds want to know…

… especially what kind of underwear one gets on a $150,000 shopping spree.

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McCain vs. Paris Hilton

by twit

it had to happen

but did it really, really have to happen?

Paris Hilton has thrown her hat into the US presidential race, declaring her desire to campaign against “that wrinkly white-haired guy” and threatening to paint the White House pink if elected.The blond socialite responded to Republican candidate John McCain’s controversial use of her image in a campaign television spot last week with a satirical ad of her own posted on the website Funnyordie.com on Tuesday.

In the ad, the 27-year-old appears reclining on a sun lounger beside a swimming pool, dressed only in a skimpy leopard-print bathing costume.

Jesse Helms “shocked” to arrive in Hell

by lestro

https://i2.wp.com/upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/b4/Devil-goat.jpg/465px-Devil-goat.jpg

LAKE OF FIRE, HELL – Former United States Senator Jesse Helms seemed surprised to wake up in Hell this morning, exclaiming “but I’m white!” as minions of Beelzebub poked and prodded the conservative Southern senator.

The tormenting of his soul is reportedly due to the multitude of hateful laws he supported, as well as the hypocrisies within his own religious beliefs for which Helms was famously known.

Helms’s shock is reported to have worn off quickly after he was reunited with fellow Southern racist Strom Thurmond.

According to Satan, the arrival of Helms has been expected, as he traded his soul for his Senate seat decades ago.

“Do you really think a jackass bigot like Jesse could have been elected that many times without the help of the forces of darkness?” the devil quipped. “Cracka, please.”

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First they came for the rappers…

by loadz

At first, it was hip hop, but it all finally makes sense, now that we know it is heavy metal hair, Jewish-American conspiracies and 2-Pac that cause homosexuality in Iranian youth.

via the Middle East Media Research Institute TV Monitor Project

I’m glad someone finally connected all this together.

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If you discovered a whole mess of Japanese pot in your suitcase…we want it back…unsmoked.

by loadz

What’s worse than breaking the law to slip 142 grams of pot into some poor sucker’s suitcase?

Not being able to find it.

A customs officer hid a package of the banned substance in a side pocket of a randomly chosen suitcase in order to test airport security.

Sniffer dogs failed to detect the cannabis and the officer could not remember which suitcase had the stash.

Whoops. Hey listen, we’re really, really sorry about the 142 grams of pot we slipped into your suitcase next to your unmentionables, but if we could have that back we’d surely appreciate it.

One hundred forty-two grams? That’s five ounces. And their dog couldn’t find that?

Apparently now is the time to start smuggling your dope into Tokyo.

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Spread the Word

by The Kiwi

Collect and trade amongst your friends!

Hail Kiwi.