The Bracketologist-In-Chief

by lestro

The greatest American sporting event of the year tips off this week as the NCAA 64-team, anything-can-happen-and-often-does-happen men’s college basketball tournament gets underway.

For the next few weeks, every idiot in the country – including me – gets to be a basketball expert and brackets will be studied and analyzed everyday, costing the American economy billions of dollars in lost productivity as everyone ponies up their $5 to get into their office pool and then spends a few days huddled around a radio or television hoping to win their money back and hoard over winning brackets over their co-workers.

It’s also the time of year in which uninterested girlfriends or quiet, mousy officemate nerds tend to piss off sports fans by out-picking us based on the color of the teams’ uniforms or strength of the cities’ symphonies (shout out to “Cheers!”). There really is nothing more annoying than losing the office pool to someone who happily admits to not knowing shit about shit while picking up their winnings.

But that’s part of the fun: Damn near everyone gets involved this time of year. Including the president, whose brackets were officially released today by the White House.

The president, whose love of hoops is fairly well documented, has Louisville, Memphis, Pitt and UNC as his final four with UNC beating Louisville in the April 6 National Championship. (for the record, I’ve got Louisville, Washington, Pitt and Syracuse with Pitt outlasting fellow Big Easter Louisville for the title; though honestly i am still waffling a bit on UW in favor of Memphis; the Pac-10, despite six teams making the Dance, really is just not all that strong…)

Fear not, however, a bailout plan is already being written in case Binghamton beats Duke in the first round; They are just too important to the whole system and may bring down the entire bracket system if they are allowed to fail. Besides, Coach K has a performance bonus coming whether he is productive or not.

Though the president inherited much of this season from the previous administration, it is important to know he is up to the task at hand and working on the tough issues…


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