It is your duty to know your fart law
September 27, 2008 2 Comments
This past week Jose Cruz, a 34-year-old West Virginia man was charged with battery against a Charleston Police officer for allegedly farting and fanning it towards the officer.
Although the battery charges against Cruz were dropped, the notion that flatulence is assault was an eye opener. Apparently I’ve been abusing my wife, kids, family and friends for years. I’m sorry. I will seek help. Or at least Beano.
In light of my newfound resolve to not hurt my fellow man by cutting cheese, I’ve decided to not only educate myself, but also provide a resource for my fellow farters. It is your duty as a flatulent person to know your fart laws.
Missouri’s public statutes consider the passing of gas a peace distrubance, prosecutible as a class B misdeameanor.
574.010. 1. A person commits the crime of peace disturbance if:
(1) He unreasonably and knowingly disturbs or alarms another person or persons by:
(a) Loud noise; or
(e) Creating a noxious and offensive odor;
But that’s Missouri and as Scut Farkus always says, “Who the fuck cares about Missouri?“
In the Revised Code of Washington I could find no laws that specifically forbid farting in public, but RCW 9.66.050 does declare it a public nuisance to “deposit, leave or keep, on or near a highway or route of public travel, on land or water, any unwholesome substance.” Not sure if that counts, but I suppose it could be argued that flatulence is a unwholesome substance. So don’t fart on I-5.
Other than that I couldn’t really find too many statutes firmly establishing guidelines for the legality of farting in public. I think it would be best to just follow the guidelines of Saint Carlin and use a little common sense. And for god sakes, don’t use your farts as weapons.