McCain vs. The Internet

by twit

It was fun while it lasted, although the party is now officially over. Last night, Wonkette noticed that the website selling McCain’s campaign gear allowed people to write reviews of the products. The twit then endured laughter so painful she could hardly work her computer, but she did manage to preserve some highlights for posterity.

For example, there are pins for sale:

Arab Americans for McCain Button - 2-1/4

eom June 11, 2008
Reviewer: George Orwell from Washington, DC United States

Irony is dead.

and hats:

Asian & Pacific Americans for McCain Embroidered Hat

There was a misprint in this hat June 11, 2008
Reviewer: John McCain from Washington DC

it should say gooks for McCain as that is what he calls them.

there’s also the lanyard:

McCain for President Lanyard
So convenient.. June 10, 2008
Reviewer: Jack Abramoff from Washington, DC United States

Handy for election fraud – or for self-strangulation if (gulp) that black man should get elected.

the divot tool:

McCain Divot Tool / Key Chain

You people make me physically ill. June 11, 2008
Reviewer: from Watermelon Tree, Mississippi

It’s just disgusting the way you people are abusing Senator McCain’s website. The man is a patriot and a hero and not the senile, doddering Pancake Man.. whatever that means .. you make him out to be.

I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting him personally, but I like his Straight Talk and willingness to call a spade a spade. Barrack Obama isn’t fit to step and fetch John McCain’s newspaper. The man spent 7 years in a Vietnamese jungle, bunny, and don’t you forget it. Any student of history will tell you that in times of war, every society has rallied around its warriors, from spear-chucking Roman centurions to the Civil War’s brave Buffalo Soldiers at the Battle of Coon’s Plantation. This is not the time to elect a boy to do a man’s job.

High quality tool! June 10, 2008
Reviewer: Sahreem J. Paultersenson from Phoenix, UT

This is the perfect tool for advanced rear end play. Whenever I am enjoying a game of golf I pull this device out and start plugging away. I enjoy the coolness of the metal and the smooth texture as it penetrates and removes the toughest of divots. I am glad it has a nice key chain to make for easy removal should it “accidentally” fall in the tee hole.

father’s day golf pack:

Father's Day McCain Golf Pack

I can’t believe what John McCain is packing! June 11, 2008
Reviewer: Richard C. Mongler from Virginia Beach, VA United States

These balls are fantastic. I tell you, I’ve tried many balls, but these are by far the best. Entirely white, rolling John McCain’s balls around in my hands is a pure pleasure. I can feel each individual dimple, and they’re so adorable up close, the way I like to examine balls to ensure the highest quality.

The downside is that these golf balls almost feel like they’ve been painted over something that was once pasty white and older than one might think. If I press hard enough I think I can feel some scars, but then again it’s never a good idea to press too hard on one’s balls. Nevertheless, it might be why these balls tend to get stuck in quagmires or sand.

If you’ve got George W. Bush’s golf pack, you’ll probably like this one. Their balls look almost exactly alike when they’re sitting right next to each other and they perform in the same fashion. I know I have my own personal balls that have always worked for me, but I think I could spend hours playing with John McCain’s!

T- shirts

Women for McCain T-Shirt

I LOVE THIS SHIRT!!!!!! June 11, 2008
Reviewer: Cathie Perkins from Lubbock, TX United States

I LOVE THIS SHIRT!!!! IT’S AS YELLOW AS THE MAN’S TEETH!

and the Travel Bag, just to name a few…

McCain Golf Bag

Great Bag, Great Discounts! June 10, 2008
Reviewer: Farthle Shahmles from Western East Saint Louis, North Dakota

This bag is quite possibly the best travel bag on the planet. It is great for keeping pictures of Obama, Hillary, Bush, Cheney and your scantily clad mother. It also will hold 5 toothbrushes, 1 anal probe, and 14 crayons for the hygienically minded senior citizens. My favorite feature of this bag, and they don’t tell you this when you buy it, is that it will give you a 10% discount at any Hilton hotel worldwide. If by chance you decide to stay at the Hilton in Hanoi, it enables you up to 5 free years of free stays. You can beat that deal with a bamboo shoot!

update: via Raw Story (also apparently laughing so hard that copyediting is currently too much to handle), more on the story:

In what now seems a misguided attempt to achieve some Web 2.0 street cred, the McCain campaign had encouraged users to post reviews of the memorabilia on the page. Problem was, apparently nobody thought to moderate the reviews that were posted, resulting in a slew of insults hurled at McCain from online pranksters.

It two [took] at least two days, and notices from a half-dozen blogs, before the McCain campaign scrubbed the site of the offending comments.

and via a Raw Story commenter, a collection of flickr images from the McCain site, which hardly begins to get into the epic magnitude of what happened there. That is ultimately what was so painfully funny, that you could race around looking at all the ill-conceived McCain slogans and products, so many so hilarious on their own, and then there would be these ridiculous comments on some of them. It was like a treasure hunt.

June 9th:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3170/2570814388_b9fe18beec_o.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3189/2569988267_c7e505547b_o.jpg

June 10th:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3160/2569988143_9b23c06d3f_o.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3188/2570814064_0f36efa54a_o.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3129/2569987927_b33864212c_o.jpg

June 11th:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3138/2570814464_543fba57cc_o.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3257/2569987827_c2b07042d1_o.jpg

There is of course, one more little prank that can be played, but it would cost money, sigh. But the McCain team of geniuses who have brought you this spectacle also offer customizable “your name here buttons

Personalized McCain Photo Button - 3

just in case you can’t quite narrow it down to a “coalition” and would like an alternative way to express your support…

and for the truly spendy among us, a “Personalized McCain Outdoor Banner 3′ x 6′

Personalized McCain Outdoor Banner 3' x 6'

but be subtle!

  • Demeaning or derogatory names or phrases are not acceptable
  • All personalized banners are subject to content approval by the John McCain 2008 campaign
  • or just make you own…

    democratsformccain3.jpg

    (via Slog)

    About these ads

    7 Responses to McCain vs. The Internet

    1. sensico says:

      McCain gear is actually interesting but his graphics are boring but I like his golfing gear

    2. The sale of golf gear is an interesting way for McCain to distinguish himself from Bush, since Bush has claimed to have given up golf as his way of showing ‘support’ for our troops:

      https://apocalyptickiwi.wordpress.com/2008/05/16/in-golf-we-trust/

      what a ‘maverick’

    3. lestro says:

      i don’t know who names their kid “Your Name” but they have horrible taste in candidates…

    4. deaconloadz says:

      I’m a little concerned that the “Your Name” vote may swing this election. Hope Barack gets some “Your Name for Obama” merch out quick.

    5. I think he should make a “McCain’s wife for McCain.” and make is wife wear it everywhere the go.

    6. Adam says:

      McCain thinks that being shot down in a war we shouldn’t have even been in makes him a hero. Being a POW = Mission Failed, just like he’d fail us as president.

    7. Pingback: The RNC vs. The Internet « The Church of the Apocalyptic Kiwi

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