Condolences to Howard Stern

by twit, I am so sorry about Beth O. She is a beautiful woman inside and out and I hope you can truly be the man that she loves, before it is too late and you lose her forever.

I’ve heard that on your radio show you like to express shock about how Beth O doesn’t poop that often. You don’t understand it, you see her eat, but then mysteriously (at least to you) there’s not the usual consequence of eating. I’ve heard that you’ve claimed to have gone to a doctor who couldn’t find a medical cause for why Beth doesn’t poop like healthy people do.

Howard, this is so simple that even Paris Hilton can explain it:

Paris Hilton was so terrified guards would snap a cell-phone picture of her on the toilet that she didn’t eat or drink for three days…

Paris didn’t eat so she wouldn’t poop. But apparently, you see Beth O eat. Howard, this means she is getting rid of the food in her stomach before it has a chance to become poop. This looks every bit like a serious eating disorder, which may be reaching a life-threatening stage.

From what I can tell, Beth O talks a lot like a classic survivor of an eating disorder. For example, the day you asked her to marry you, you asked her to get naked, and at first she resisted, saying she considered herself fat.

And you think it is funny, apparently. The Hollywood Gossip quotes you as saying, “Any girl who looks like that and thinks she’s fat – I’ve got a chance with her.”

Then there is this, via animaux:

Is it true you eat nothing but candy bars?

Ughh! I love chocolate! I eat it every single day! I’m not talking about a piece of chocolate. I’m talking about boxes of chocolate. Basically, I eat a box of chocolate every day. So I’m trying to eat healthier things, not instead of, in addition to.

How do you stay so thin?

I run. That’s it. I don’t do weight training. Although I need to start. Pretty much that’s all I eat. I love it. Last night I had a box of chocolate and then I had a whole container of Pringles and a diet Dr. Pepper. That was my whole diet yesterday. It’s horrible! So I guess I’m not living up to my resolution because Pringles are not the healthier addition to chocolate.

Howard, it is not a good sign that she eats like that and then mysteriously doesn’t fully digest it. And this is so sad:

Do you think you’re good enough for Sports Illustrated?

(Long pause) You know what? No. I’m really insecure with myself. I always see problems, so the answer would be no! But if I have a shot, I don’t want to ruin it! But I definitely don’t think I’m on that level.

It’s not exactly a wonder about where she ever would get encouragement to think like this

Howard said Alison is the perfect candidate for a contest he’s thinking of doing. It’s for cute girls who could be very hot if they just lost some weight and toned up. He had Alison stand on the scale and was surprised to see that she weight 159 pounds naked! Howard told her she would be a total knockout if she lost 39 pounds. He said she should start a diet now and we’d contact her later on about the contest. After checking out her ass again, Howard jokingly suggested that she run back to her home state of Florida instead of flying. Howard said he bet she ate poorly, but she swore she didn’t.

Howard, please wake the fuck up out of your dream world that it is simply funny incomprehensible that Beth O doesn’t always poop after she eats. I’m not asking you to stop being a jackass on your show, just stop being a jackass in real life. Go to an eating disorder specialist and find out what options are out there for your beautiful and truly special bride-to-be.

One Response to Condolences to Howard Stern

  1. Boo says:

    I would be permanently constipated too if I was with Howard Stern.

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