Clinton rolls out improved operating system: Jobs v.3.0

by lestro

Despite the flaws and security holes in Inevitability v1.x, Experience v2.0, Fighter v3.3, Commander-in-chief v1.2 (a rush release that was hastily recalled when it was discovered to open the user to the nearly fatal error-inducing internet worm Bosnia Bullshit), the combo pack Experienced Fighter v2.4 and the most recent iteration Gun-Toting Shot Drinker v4.0, the Clinton Campaign has high hopes for the upcoming release of its newest opertaing system: Jobs v3.0.

So every speech she gave in Indiana on Friday and Saturday had the same topic sentence. “My campaign is about jobs, jobs, jobs and jobs,” she said, always to thunderous applause…

Since the race started, Mrs. Clinton has cycled through several political personas: the battle-tested White House veteran, the fighter, the girl — her word — tougher than any boy.

Now she is the Dream Boss: the one who will give you a job, provide health insurance, but also understand just how hard you work and the mundane details of what you do.

The new system is a throwback to the first Clinton system, which wowed the world with a fresh look and took the nation by storm 16 years ago with an effective advertising campaign that highlighted youth and hinged on the brilliantly catchy yet simple jingle “It’s the economy, stupid.”

It’s a strong strategy for Clinton, since most people have fond memories of the first Clinton operating system, now made nearly legendary by the utter incompetence and failure of the Bush 2.0 system, which had been introduced with an advertising campaign with pomp so overstated it has become a punchline.

Unfortunately, while the latest Clinton system may recall those warm, fuzzy feelings of the nineties, it also reminds us of the crashes, holes, freezes and especially the unfinished promise of that era and continues to be built on the outmoded Reagan Platform which has dominated these systems for more than 25 years.

After all, if it’s still the economy, stupid, maybe we need to move past this generation of technology and move forward. And while the Clinton campaign has been mercilessly re-tooling their system to try to repair all the flaws and hiccups in their source code, their chief rival’s system, Change v1.0, continues to remain stable.

Based on their very successful, but obviously smaller Hope system, the Obama Campaign’s Change v1.0 has repeatedly proven successful, not only with new users, but many of the die-hards drawn to the next-generation technology and inherent steadiness of the integrated hardware and software. The Wright Worm failed to spread too deep through the system before being neutralized and so far, the Elitist Virus (which had a large role in taking down two prior start-up systems) has had little effect, with 66 percent of consumers saying they can understand and relate to the Change v1.0 system.

While there is little doubt that with enough patches, quick fixes and message changes, the Clinton system could get the job done – if not fulfill all of the promises it has made – the question remains: Can the same technology we’ve been running for so long properly prepare and protect us in the future?

It is time to flip the script a bit and go with a new and exciting system, one that views the world in such a different way it has the potential to unite developers across old battle lines to create innovative solutions to problems that have been plaguing us since the first time it was the economy, stupid.

Consumers will have their say.

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3 Responses to Clinton rolls out improved operating system: Jobs v.3.0

  1. graceMark says:

    What she needs is a Hillary-pod. Then she can do a bunch of podcasts, market her speeches to the kids on Hillary-tunes and then take a bite out of the Obampire.

  2. that… would be terrifying. especially if this request from Hillary Clinton for help with choosing a campaign theme song is any indication:

    or worse, the Sopranos parody version, starring the Clintons:

  3. Pingback: totes

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