Bush is a space alien from a stupid planet

by twit

Finally, it all makes sense now:

Via the Star-Telegram on July 16, 2008:

Federal Aviation Administration radar appears to confirm the presence of unidentified aircraft on Jan. 8 over the Stephenville-Dublin area, with at least one appearing to head toward President Bush’s Crawford Ranch, the same night that dozens of people reported seeing UFOs, according to a report released Thursday by a national group that studies reports of unidentified flying objects.

Beware the little green men!

McCain 2008: Everything is fine, shut up, you’re the crazy one

by twit

The McCain camp wants us to know that this recession thing, it’s all mental:

Former Sen. Phil Gramm, a top economic adviser to presumptive GOP nominee John McCain, referred to the economic slowdown as “a mental recession” and called the United States “a nation of whiners.”

The comments, in an interview with The Washington Times, could hurt the campaign’s efforts to convince working-class Americans that McCain feels their pain.

The comments, in an interview with The Washington Times, could hurt the campaign’s efforts to convince Americans from all backgrounds that McCain is not a crazy old man.

The Times quoted [Gramm] as saying: “You’ve heard of mental depression; this is a mental recession. … We have sort of become a nation of whiners. …

“You just hear this constant whining, complaining about a loss of competitiveness, America in decline. … We’ve never been more dominant; we’ve never had more natural advantages than we have today.”

T. Boone Pickens has a plan. Or is he just an old windbag?

by lestro

There’s a new commercial running all across the country in support of a new energy plan put forth by an 80-year-old oil billionaire from Oklahoma.

And here’s the weird thing: It appears to be a really good, progressive plan based bridging the gap to renewable, green power. He calls America the “Saudi Arabia of wind”:

Studies from around the world show that the Great Plains states are home to the greatest wind energy potential in the world — by far.

The Department of Energy reports that 20% of America’s electricity can come from wind. North Dakota alone has the potential to provide power for more than a quarter of the country….

Building wind facilities in the corridor that stretches from the Texas panhandle to North Dakota could produce 20% of the electricity for the United States at a cost of $1 trillion. It would take another $200 billion to build the capacity to transmit that energy to cities and towns.

That’s a lot of money, but it’s a one-time cost. And compared to the $700 billion we spend on foreign oil every year, it’s a bargain.

Also, being a good American capitalist, he pitches it as the economic boom it can be in both technology and in the small towns in flyover country (please note his financial stake in this plan):

Sweetwater was typical of many small towns in middle-America. With a shortage of good jobs, the youth of Sweetwater were leaving in search of greater opportunities. And the town’s population dropped from 12,000 to under 10,000.

When a large wind power facility was built outside of town, Sweetwater experienced a revival. New economic opportunity brought the town back to life and the population has grown back up to 12,000.

But will South Park apologize?

by lestro

Seems that the Ramseys officially did not kill their daughter:

Prosecutors say new DNA tests have cleared JonBenet Ramsey’s family in the 1996 killing of the 6-year-old beauty queen.

Boulder County District Attorney Mary Lacy said Wednesday the tests point to an “unexplained third party.”

She says prosecutors don’t consider any member of the Ramsey family to be a suspect.

Congratulations to the Ramseys. It doesn’t change the fact that their little girl is gone, but at least it clears their names.

So while that  question is settled, one has to wonder whether or not the South Park guys will apologize for their absolutely brilliant commentary on the rash of high profile seemingly guilty people getting away, literally, with murder.

Jesse Helms “shocked” to arrive in Hell

by lestro

LAKE OF FIRE, HELL - Former United States Senator Jesse Helms seemed surprised to wake up in Hell this morning, exclaiming “but I’m white!” as minions of Beelzebub poked and prodded the conservative Southern senator.

The tormenting of his soul is reportedly due to the multitude of hateful laws he supported, as well as the hypocrisies within his own religious beliefs for which Helms was famously known.

Helms’s shock is reported to have worn off quickly after he was reunited with fellow Southern racist Strom Thurmond.

According to Satan, the arrival of Helms has been expected, as he traded his soul for his Senate seat decades ago.

“Do you really think a jackass bigot like Jesse could have been elected that many times without the help of the forces of darkness?” the devil quipped. “Cracka, please.”

We hold these truths to be self-evident

by lestro

Today is July 4, Independence Day.

Every year, I make sure to take 15 minutes out of my barbeque/fireworks/beer time to make sure I read the Declaration of Independence.

It’s a good reminder of who we are supposed to be and what we are supposed to believe in about this country.

Unlike the Constitution, which is a working document designed to create and maintain a government that would protect the rights of its people, the Declaration is a statement of Ideals.

It is a philosophical treatise on human rights and government, as well as a point-by-point breakdown of exactly why and how King George was violating those rights.

And I love the simplicity of it: “Hey King George, here’s what we believe and here’s why you’re a jerk. Now piss off, we can take it from here. Love, Thomas Jefferson, et al.”

The very idea that governments draw their power from the consent of the governed and that we elect our leaders to represent us in a larger government was groundbreaking at the time.

America is less a country and more of an idea. We are a nation based not on the divine right of some inbred blueblood (except for the past two elections, of course), but a simple - yet breathtakingly groundbreaking - philosophy. The Declaration is the embodiment of that philosophy.

Written by Jefferson, parts of the declaration are very lyrical, soaring statements on all men being created equal and having the right (among others) to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, while others sections detail nearly 30 specific grievances and reasons for going it on our own. A nation founded on the pursuit of happiness (even if by “all men” he meant “all white, land-owning men”) is and was a truly amazing idea.

What’s even more important is the idea that it is not governments that bestow these rights, that these rights are “unalienable” and bestowed by the Creator. Governments exist simply to “secure these rights.” That is still a pretty radical idea now, let alone in the time of the Divine Right of Kings.

It’s not easy either. We’ve spent the 232 years since then trying to figure out exactly how to live up to such lofty ideals. Well, 225 years anyway. The last seven have been a pretty good exercise in deconstruction of these ideals.

But if we ever have questions about what we are supposed to stand for and why, we need to simply check our founding philosophical document. The philosophy of the nation is right there in the first paragraph.

The Declaration, however, not only separated us from Mother England, but also leaves the door open for future revolutions by laying out the reasons that governments can be overturned: whenever a government fails to secure our rights or ceases to draw its power from the consent of the governed, it is not only our right to overthrow them, but our “duty.”

That’s pretty punk rock when you get right down to it.

So while we all take time today to celebrate our national birthday and pursue our own happiness, be it a barbeque, fireworks or parades, take a few minutes and re-read the Declaration. It’s a quick, inspiring read of just more than 1300 words. Besides, we should all remind ourselves every now and again exactly what we’re doing over here, just to be sure we haven’t lost our way.

Happy 4th.

The new mission to Mars

by twit

The Associated Press reports on June 26, 2008:

The Phoenix lander’s first taste test of soil near Mars’ north pole reveals a briny environment similar to what can be found in backyards on Earth, scientists said Thursday.

“There’s nothing about it that would preclude life. In fact, it seems very friendly,” mission scientist Samuel Kounaves of Tufts University said of the soil. “There’s nothing about it that’s toxic.”

How To Fend Off Attacking Birds

by twit

Hooray for the BBC for telling us what to do:

“angry blackbirds could be deterred by a direct stare.”

really? you try that one out and let me know how it goes…

“More radical suggestions aimed at fending off the swooping attackers have included mimicking the sound of a barking dog or even imitating a larger bird.”

sounds like a plan.

“Spread your arms and advance on him,” one e-mail advisory suggested. “His pattern recognition will kick in making you look like a dangerous predator, such as a hawk.”

huzzah

by twit

The sun sets over solar panels in New Mexico. Photograph: Corbis

welcome to the new future

by twit

Not only is the Mars Rover using Twitter:

“Are you ready to celebrate? Well, get ready: We have ICE!!!!! Yes, ICE, *WATER ICE* on Mars! w00t!!! Best day ever!!” the Mars Phoenix Lander tweeted at about 5:15 pm.

but it has happily discovered what looks very much like water in areas beyond the polar regions, which may mean that there is lots of water on Mars. From Space.com on June 20, 2008:

“Now we know for sure that we are on an icy surface and we can really meet the science goals of our mission at the highest level,” Lemmon said.

From Maas Digital, a “dramatic, scientifically accurate computer animation” of the Mars Rover mission, now with theme music:

John McCain craps his pants

by twit

the twit can’t come up with any other explanation for the particular way John McCain busts out these particular smiles. For example, click here to see a video via Raw Story - at about 00:15, McCain breaks into this truly relieved yet very very proud grin, just like one might expect a baby would after taking a really big dump.

Another example is right at the beginning of this video:

that’s a grin that says “I’m a Big Boy!”

and now you too can enjoy the image of McCain crapping his pants every time he whips that smile out.

Classics of Western Literature in the 21st Century

by Loadz

Who knew that a random spam e-mail could be so beautiful…

Although it’s not much for rhyming, the imagery it invokes is a weird and wonderful thing. I call it “Cassette of Inadequacy” and have carefully transcribed it here:

It debris? or was.

Is occasional is exponential.

Or readily The brevet.

Which in rive. Or do confluence.

But in bottleneck philosopher highly.

happen a lullaby.

Is distal my sensible. But exhibitor?

Are on neck whites.

Have flannel Be radar.

I buffalo.

Father’s Day Cartoon

by twit

From Cousino’s Firearms, a video featuring the best dad in the whole world, as well as delightful displays of automatic weaponry, many, many things exploding, those laser tracer bullets and other jaw-dropping displays of American firepower.

The video does start quite loudly, so you may want to be ready to turn down the volume…

via Wonkette

Dennis Kucinich is a sexy, sexy man

by twit

Rowr:

An Ohio Democratic lawmaker and former presidential candidate has presented articles of impeachment against President George W. Bush to Congress.

Thirty-five articles were presented by Rep. Dennis Kucinich to the House of Representatives late Monday evening, airing live on C-SPAN.

Yes She Will… congratulate Obama on his victory

by twit

It’s time for a drink! A strong one!

We Have a Nominee!

by twit

Huzzah!

Barack Obama effectively clinched the Democratic presidential nomination Tuesday, based on an Associated Press tally of convention delegates

Kurt Cobain’s ashes have escaped to a better place…

by twit

Courtney, had I known you were keeping Kurt’s ashes in a pink teddy bear bag, I would have considered it a duty to get them away from you … which feels like a terrible thing to say, because the twit doesn’t like to make light of anyone’s grief. But dammit, Courtney, a pink teddy bear bag?

Via The Guardian on June 2, 2008:

Love believes a former friend is responsible for swiping Kurt’s remains, which were stored in a pink bear-shaped handbag and hidden in a wardrobe at her Hollywood home.

She now claims to be suicidal as a result of the theft:

“I can’t believe anyone would take Kurt’s ashes from me.

I find it disgusting and right now I’m suicidal. If I don’t get them back I don’t know what I’ll do.”

(example image via amazing balloons)

Although in an attempt to be more fair, it is true that as far as security precautions go, it is just about the last place one might think to look…

Breaking News: Bubba concedes the nomination

by twit

wait, what? perhaps file it under “things we already knew“…

Former president Bill Clinton dropped a hint Monday that the end might be nigh for his wife Hillary’s dogged campaign for the Democratic White House nomination, according to reports.

“I want to say also that this may be the last day I’m ever involved in a campaign of this kind,” the former president told Clinton supporters in South Dakota, ABC and NBC reported on their news websites.

“I thought I was out of politics, till Hillary decided to run. But it has been one of the greatest honors of my life to go around and campaign for her for president,” he added at the start of his stump speech.

in the twit’s optimistic opinion, all these past-tense references to the 2008 Clinton campaign call for a stiff drink to properly appreciate the magnitude of this moment…

Praise Zul

by loadz

I was wondering the other day how cell phones worked. Didn’t realize that they all had demons inside of them that could be released when put in a microwave.

If I didn’t live on microwaved burritos I’d free the cell phone demon in my phone.

Cyber G.ho.st. breaks down real world walls

by lestro

According to the New York Times, there is a team of Palestinian and Israeli coders who are working together on creating a new web-based personal computer that will allow people to log in to their own virtual harddrives from any internet connection.

Despite the differences between their people and the walls put up to stop them, the programmers are working toward a common vision and goal.

They trade ideas through a video hookup that connects the West Bank office with one in Israel in the first joint technology venture of its kind between Israelis and Palestinians.

“Start with the optimistic parts, Mustafa,” Gilad Parann-Nissany, an Israeli who is vice president for research and development, jokes with a Palestinian colleague who is giving a progress report. Both conference rooms break into laughter.

The goal of G.ho.st is not as lofty as peace, although its founders and employees do hope to encourage it. Instead G.ho.st wants to give users a free, Web-based virtual computer that lets them access their desktop and files from any computer with an Internet connection. G.ho.st, pronounced “ghost,” is short for Global Hosted Operating System.

“Ghosts go through walls,” said Zvi Schreiber, the company’s British-born Israeli chief executive, by way of explanation…

Attention Hypochondriacs: Leprosy is Fun

by twit

So sayeth the Washington Post on May 27, 2008:

“it has been a really cool experience having a biblical disease.”

Which probably has a lot to do with the fact that in this modern age, when it comes to leprosy, “about 95 percent of people are thought to be naturally immune to it,” there’s a routine test to diagnose it and it is “effectively treatable.”

Please make a note of it.

I’ll believe it when I see it

by twit

From thehill.com on May 28, 2008:

“Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-Fla.) said that the House Judiciary Committee would be willing to arrest Karl Rove if the former White House official doesn’t testify about his role in the firing of nine U.S. attorneys in 2006.”

Beware of Crows. Be Very Aware of Crows.

by twit

via Ted.com:

Click on the image to watch the video “The amazing intelligence of crows”

Oh thank heaven

by loadz

First time I saw this, it said you killed kitties when you masturbated.

Finally I can beat off guilt free.

If you discovered a whole mess of Japanese pot in your suitcase…we want it back…unsmoked.

by loadz

What’s worse than breaking the law to slip 142 grams of pot into some poor sucker’s suitcase?

Not being able to find it.

A customs officer hid a package of the banned substance in a side pocket of a randomly chosen suitcase in order to test airport security.

Sniffer dogs failed to detect the cannabis and the officer could not remember which suitcase had the stash.

Whoops. Hey listen, we’re really, really sorry about the 142 grams of pot we slipped into your suitcase next to your unmentionables, but if we could have that back we’d surely appreciate it.

One hundred forty-two grams? That’s five ounces. And their dog couldn’t find that?

Apparently now is the time to start smuggling your dope into Tokyo.

a Banksy bonanza

by twit

via the BBC:

Graffiti artist Banksy has turned a south London tunnel into a half-mile long exhibition space, but the elusive artist kept its location secret until the last minute.

a gallery of pictures taken of the new exhibition can be seen at this link.

Obama announces Yoda endorsement

by twit

thank you Wonkette, this just made my day:

it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s… MOM!

by twit

From the Associated Press on May 1, 2008:

“OMG Im scard,” Lauren said in a text message to her mother, Margo Roby, 53, who was working at a car dealership about 15 minutes away. “I think were being robd Im hiding help me!”

Roby called 911 and raced home from work, ramming her vehicle into the back of the suspects’ car parked in the driveway, authorities said.

Rowr. She got there faster than the cops, too:

One of the suspects, Jenna Marie Burns, came out of the house and Roby wrestled with her just as sheriff’s deputies and the police chief arrived, said Fairfield County Sheriff Dave Phalen.

we’re kind of between leaders at the moment…

by twit

this kind of thing seems to happen so often, it hardly lifts an eyebrow these days…

Starting in Phoenix, reports flood a local radio station, including a witness describing lights in the sky as

“about 3,000 feet high, approximately. They looked as though they were kind of hovering or floating from west to east, very slowly. They were up there for 15 or 20 minutes.”

Better yet, KTAR.com reports:

Ian Gregor, a spokesman for the Federal Aviation Administration, said, “A lot of people were reporting seeing some strange lights in the sky around Phoenix last night.

Air traffic controllers at the control tower at Sky Harbor saw them. But, we have no idea what they were.”

Gregor added, tongue-in-cheek,

“It could be aliens coming down to save us from ourselves, you never know. The only thing I do know is if they were coming down, they weren’t talking to air traffic controllers.”

sigh. perhaps click the image to link to the Simpsons episode “Citizen Kang,” so we can all laugh together…

Baby, he was Born to Run

by lestro

Today on his web site, the Boss publicly endorsed Obama:

Senator Obama, in my view, is head and shoulders above the rest.

He has the depth, the reflectiveness, and the resilience to be our next President.

He speaks to the America I’ve envisioned in my music for the past 35 years, a generous nation with a citizenry willing to tackle nuanced and complex problems, a country that’s interested in its collective destiny and in the potential of its gathered spirit.

That should definitely help some with those blue collar voters Obama may have offended with his ill-advised and poorly phrased “cling to” bit.

But like the Wright controversy, Obama may be weathering this “cling to” thing better than expected and has significantly cut into Clinton’s lead in Pennsylvania and Indiana, according to the LA Times:

The poll found Clinton leading Obama 46% to 41% in Pennsylvania — a far cry from the double-digit margins she held in earlier polls.

In Indiana, where little polling has occurred, previous surveys gave Clinton the edge. The Times/Bloomberg poll put Obama ahead, 40% to 35%.

The leads in Pennsylvania and Indiana are within the poll’s margin of sampling error.

It is also important to note when this poll was conducted:

The telephone interviews took place Thursday through Monday, meaning the bulk were conducted just as controversy broke out over an Obama remark widely criticized as demeaning to rural voters in Pennsylvania.

This really isn’t surprising. In every state where he has campaigned, Obama starts out well behind Clinton - whose name recognition, especially among Democrats, stretches back 16 years - but ends up closing the gap and, given enough time, passing her. (This is why it would be completely unfair to include Michigan and Florida in the delegate totals without a re-vote, because Obama agreed to not campaign there, at the request of the DNC and as a consequence for those states scheduling their primaries early.)

The six weeks between the last primary and the Pennsy vote next week could actually give Obama a chance to not only catch, but pass Clinton, whose favorable ratings now hover around the President’s.

But while the more people see of Obama, the more they like him, the more people see of Hillary, the less they like her. And her husband.

A new Washington Post/ABC News poll shows that nearly 60 percent of the country now thinks Hillary Clinton is not trustworthy:

breaking news: the sun is free

by twit

a solar furnace via kottke.org:

“A solar furnace is a structure used to harness the rays of the sun in order to produce high temperatures. This is achieved by using a curved mirror (or an array of mirrors) acting as a parabolic reflector to concentrate light (Insolation) on to a focal point. The temperature at the focal point may reach up to 3,000 degrees Celsius, and this heat can be used to generate electricity, melt steel or make hydrogen fuel.”

and an ancient legend to go with it:

“In the 3rd century BC, Archimedes allegedly used a mirror to burn up the entire Roman fleet during the siege of Syracuse:

superdelegate de ja vu

by twit

Hooray! Pelosi tells the big-time Clinton donors that the Democratic nomination is not for sale.

Which really is stating the obvious, but these are big-time Clinton supporters we’re talking about…

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) has reaffirmed her position that superdelegates should not “overturn the will of the voters” in the face of criticism from top donors to Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.).

but will somebody send a nasty letter to the Washington superdelegates, please…

Look, it’s already started, just add an address:

“The Speaker believes it would do great harm to the Democratic Party if superdelegates are perceived to overturn the will of the voters,” Pelosi spokesman Brendan Daly said in a statement late Wednesday.

the language of altruism

by twit

here’s a reason to have a little hope about the capacity of our world to survive human stupidity:

A dolphin appeared to “talk” to two stranded whales before leading them to safety.

… Before the bottlenose dolphin turned up, the beached pygmy sperm whales were in clear distress.

But when Moko arrived at Mahia beach on the east coast of New Zealand’s North Island, their mood changed and they followed him to safety.

and if that doesn’t work, there is always the traditional method of cheering up, courtesy Douglas Adams and with thanks to lestro:

why is the twit so particularly glum about the fate of humankind today? Horrific video evidence after the jump…

baby robot overlords and other morning cartoons

by twit

It has been a long couple of days of chronicling the slow-motion train wreck of the Democratic Party, but there’s good news, at least by comparison, as the world welcomes its new baby robot overlords:

A tiny chemical “brain” which could one day act as a remote control for swarms of nano-machines has been invented.

The molecular device - just two billionths of a metre across - was able to control eight of the microscopic machines simultaneously.

“… this is the first time we have created a nano-brain,” [Dr Bandyopadhyay] told BBC News.

… One day they may be able to guide the nanobots through the body and control their functions, he said.

and if the baby robot overlords can’t save us in time, there’s always galaxy-crushing