It is your duty to know your fart law

by loadz

This past week Jose Cruz, a 34-year-old West Virginia man was charged with battery against a Charleston Police officer for allegedly farting and fanning it towards the officer.

Although the battery charges against Cruz were dropped, the notion that flatulence is assault was an eye opener. Apparently I’ve been abusing my wife, kids, family and friends for years. I’m sorry. I will seek help. Or at least Beano.

In light of my newfound resolve to not hurt my fellow man by cutting cheese, I’ve decided to not only educate myself, but also provide a resource for my fellow farters. It is your duty as a flatulent person to know your fart laws.

Missouri’s public statutes consider the passing of gas a peace distrubance, prosecutible as a class B misdeameanor.

574.010. 1. A person commits the crime of peace disturbance if:
(1) He unreasonably and knowingly disturbs or alarms another person or persons by:
(a) Loud noise; or
(e) Creating a noxious and offensive odor;

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Rage Against the Machine at the RNC

by loadz

Fuck you. I won’t do what you tell me.

Welcome back boys, about fucking time.

Slash is a whore

by loadz

Okay, we all know that we’ll never be as cool as Slash, formerly of Guns and Roses and current lead guitarist of the lead singer-less Velvet Revolver. But I really think his cred goes down a notch or two with this appearance:

“Slaash-ann, you don’t have to put out the red light. Play GnR songs for money, you don’t care if it’s wrong or if it’s right.”

Jeez, what’s next – playing on stage with a disco band?

C’mon Slash, stay home for an evening, you don’t have to go out and whore every night.

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Classics of Western Literature in the 21st Century

by Loadz

Who knew that a random spam e-mail could be so beautiful…

Although it’s not much for rhyming, the imagery it invokes is a weird and wonderful thing. I call it “Cassette of Inadequacy” and have carefully transcribed it here:

It debris? or was.

Is occasional is exponential.

Or readily The brevet.

Which in rive. Or do confluence.

But in bottleneck philosopher highly.

happen a lullaby.

Is distal my sensible. But exhibitor?

Are on neck whites.

Have flannel Be radar.

I buffalo.

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First they came for the rappers…

by loadz

At first, it was hip hop, but it all finally makes sense, now that we know it is heavy metal hair, Jewish-American conspiracies and 2-Pac that cause homosexuality in Iranian youth.

via the Middle East Media Research Institute TV Monitor Project

I’m glad someone finally connected all this together.

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Praise Zul

by loadz

I was wondering the other day how cell phones worked. Didn’t realize that they all had demons inside of them that could be released when put in a microwave.

If I didn’t live on microwaved burritos I’d free the cell phone demon in my phone.

Stop me if you’ve heard this – Condi, KISS, Bono and ZZ Top walk into a bar

by loadz

United States Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice recently took time off from her busy schedule in Stockholm, Sweden to meet and chat with member of KISS, according to the AFP.

Simmons and the other band members — Paul Stanley, Eric Singer and Tommy Thayer — autographed for her a glossy concert photograph of them on stage and gave band T-shirts to Rice’s aides.

Rice said she had never seen KISS perform but she had been to four rock concerts in her life.

Rice took a second to pose for pics with the unmasked members of KISS, including this one where Gene Simmons is sizing Condi up for addition to his extensive collection of sexual conquests.

It’s not the first time Condi has been photographed hobnobbing with rock royalty. Read more of this post

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